This particular article requires I share
some of my personal history with the reader.
Those of you who are members of this
coalition might be aware that I'm 'on the spectrum'. I wasn't officially
diagnosed with what was then referred to as Asperger's until the mid-1990s. By
that point I had been seeing multiple therapists for much of my childhood and
was well into my teens. It was clear that one major problem I have was
depression.
How much of this was feeding on being on
the spectrum I don't think I'll ever know for sure. What I do know is that for
my formative years and well into my twenties it was an ordeal, particularly as
the vast array of antidepressants that are now available today were still being
tested and figured out during this period. I've lost track of how many
different medications I was on as my therapists and psychiatrist kept trying to
find a combination that would work.
The absolute nadir of this period has to
have been when I was in college. I
suffered from every variation of symptoms imaginable: lack of sleep,
oversleeping, lashing out in anger at those closest to me, being paralyzed at
the idea of reaching out to people, being irrationally mad or depressed when
things didn't go my way. In hindsight I'm astonished that I not only managed to
graduate college but did so with honors given how much of that period I was in
such a dark place. At one point – I forget exactly when – I was in such a bleak
place that I finally agreed to engage in a series of ECT treatments, something
I'd been resisted for years. I had somewhere between half a dozen and ten
sessions before it was agreed to end them because it was clear to everyone it
wasn't helping my mood.
Now this took place between 1998 and 2002
when teachers were far less equipped then they are today to pick up on the
signs of mental instability in their students. I suspect the reason none of my
teachers picked up on it was because for their purposes I was very good at
masking it. I wasn't a problem student. Indeed I never missed a single
assignment when I was in college, never had an outburst in class that caused me
to be called to the attention of a teacher, always participated in discussion
and despite the fact that I was commuting rather than living on campus had a
superb attendance record.
This was, in fact, no doubt part of how
being on the spectrum may have helped masked my emotional problems even to
those few people (and outside my parents, there really weren't that many
people) who were close to me growing up. Like the majority of people on the
spectrum I was a slave to the routine and school absolutely provided me with
one. It helps matters that I've always loved learning and education and my
curriculum had subjects that I was interested in. I knew I was lonely but I'm
not sure at the time even I knew just how unhappy I was.
I didn't start to climb out of it until my
mid-twenties and even then depression is one of those things where the cliches
are true: you have good days and bad days. The reason I have more good days
then bad days is because of a combination of finally getting the right kind of
medication, finding the right therapist and psychopharmacologist and most of
all, time. It took years, maybe even decades, to get to a point where I'm happy
most of the time – even given how horrible the world is.
I think if there is a secret to mental
health it's that tried but true standard known as the serenity prayer and I'll
quote that's most relevant:
Grant me the serenity to accept the things
I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know
the difference.
This advice is given to those who suffer
from addiction but it's just as viable to those who have mental illnesses. And
even though it sounds simple in theory, in practice it's incredibly difficult
and it is something that I forget far more often then I remember it. But
that's true of everything.
Now as we all know one of the major issues
that so many people, particularly those who are young think is pressing, is
mental health. As someone who spent his entire life struggling with it, I
concur. And its worth remembering that much of my worst struggles came in a pre-
9/11 world as well as one where the internet was barely part of our daily
lives much less social media.
And I've made no secret in previous
articles about how the election of 2016 threw me off kilter emotionally. I
spent November of 2016 until Biden's inauguration with this sense of vertigo
that was omnipresent. It didn't have to do with what was on the news or the
internet; just the fact of Trump as President did much to give these
constant feeling in my stomach that the world as I knew it didn't make sense
anymore.
I will get in a future article – perhaps
not one related to this series – how I managed to adjust my life so that by the
time of the 2024 election I was in a much better place emotionally and am
functioning far better then I did during the first Trump Presidency. For the
purposes of this article I will only say around this time I started
writing for medium, exclusively in regard to television and not even in those
reviews of shows that were on point to current events being incredibly vague
about referring to it.
That didn't mean I wasn't aware of the
majority of the political writers on this site at the time and who very likely
still are writing for it. Because I was, like so many people, in a bleak spot I
was drawn to their writing out of sympathy for their feelings if not always
their views. I got it. But I assumed that once Biden had been elected, and in
my somewhat naïve opinion at the time, order had been restored to the world I
knew they would begin to modify their tone or they would change the subject. As
I've written they never did.
Which brings to the reason why I prefer the
term 'readers' to 'followers'. I've joked more than once that the latter term
makes me feel like I'm the head of a cult. But there's a more serious
underpinning and it has to do with what the majority of the political writers
on this center-left site write: a term that many of them actually refer to as
'doomporn'.
I've noticed that it is the most prolific
and darkest writers in that site that by far had the biggest following and many
still do: I've seen some of the most depressing writers on any subject have
anywhere from 50 to 100 thousand followers. And historically when the word
'doom' is used in conjunction with the word 'followers' it rarely has a happy
ending for anybody, not the leader, not the followers, not society.
I'm being facetious again. I've also been
facetious when I read so many articles and near worshipping comments in these
same articles. I don't necessarily see the same writers over and over in each
(I'm not the kind of person who keeps track) but it does seem like that. On
more than one occasion I've referred to the echo chamber around so many of them
as 'the largest, most depressing and ineffective group therapy session I've
ever attended.' I was actually being more serious than my tone reflects.
I understand and sympathize with how so
many people are upset with how the world is today, how it seems to have always
been that way and how we seem to be heading to an inevitable apocalypse. Where
I draw the line – and have a visceral contempt for those who work in this field
– is the way so many of these writers seemed determined to write this exact
same article which offers no hope for any of its readers and then basically
asks you to either give a tip or agree to follow their work.
Many of the people who I've expressed
hostility towards about this subject have said I've been too sensitive. In
truth much of the time I've been keeping the gloves on. Because as
someone who struggles with mental health on a regular basis I think there
should be a special place in Hell for those who are actively contributed to
making that of those around you on a daily basis. And I say that for anyone who
does this regardless of what side of the political aisle they're a part of.
I need to be clear I'm more than aware
about how much the right is contributing and how much work they've done to make
a profit from it and trust me; they are on my shit list just as much. But the
thing is, well before 2016, I expected this kind of horrible behavior
from them as a matter of course. Well before the so-called 'manosphere' came
along I knew just how good the right was at preying on those who were
struggling and luring them in and exploiting them for financial and political
gain. It's disgusting and its horrible.
I'm also aware that, by comparison, the
left's efforts to do so are much smaller. But I'm also aware that there's a
difference between 'fewer' and 'none'.
The people on this site or other social media sites are not I will
concede as big a problem as those in the world of podcasters or cable news or
other websites: I've seen firsthand how horrendous they are online. You'll get
no dispute from me that they are by far the biggest problem.
I would argue that it is therefore
imperative for all those who consider themselves on the side of the angels –
and the left will be the first to tell you they are even if you don't ask – to
do everything in their power not to contribute to this cesspool of
despair that has seized so many people, particularly the young and those lost
by society. I realize that this is difficult given the way the world is and how
the right is, I agree, actively making things worse. And I do understand why so many of those people
feel the need for some kind of way to express their feelings on the subject.
None of these in themselves are bad things or if they are done, necessarily,
being done for the wrong reason.
But the difference between the right's echo chamber of despair and
the left's is that the right's gives its followers something they can do
to be proactive. You'll get no argument from me its horrible, bigoted and
represents the worst aspect of our society but its far more than anyone I've
ever seen who writes articles of the same tone ever suggest.
If the right's approach is to sell snake
oil, the left won't even bother to do that. They have the same appearance of
community but they offer nothing else. They'll tell you the right is selling a
fake cure and then not bother to do the next step and offer a fake cure of
their own. It's the same sense of
despair and hopelessness but you have nowhere to go with it. The right sells a
lie disguised as a truth, the left tells you that they are selling you a lie –
and that lie is that no one or nobody can solve the problems.
This understandably has never been a big
seller in our society and I suspect its one of the reasons the far left has
never been able to manage to take much of a hold in the political eco-system
the same way the far right has. The
right, for all its very real lies and contempt, will tell its listeners who the
enemy is and what they can do to stop it. The left, by contrast, argues the
entire system itself is the enemy and it is so under the control of
powerful people the individual or even the collective is hopeless against it.
It doesn't matter whether the writer is African-American, LatinX, female or
part of the LGBTQ+ community: the tone of futile despair penetrates all of them
and rejects any effort to even try to change the system as a waste of time. And
by the way read my next article when I tell you the same thing in different
words.
Now if one takes all of this to its natural
progression, the only thing you can take away from this is that there's nothing
anybody can do to help us and we're all doomed. Essentially all these articles
are a suicide note for mankind. But very few people on this blog or anywhere
will take it to its natural progression. I don't think its because they care
about the emotional well-being of others; I think they see their values
entirely in their social media presence and the idea of losing even a single
follower or being banned from a site because they stop dancing around what
they've been implying is too much for them to bear. Oh and I suspect they're
making enough money off them to not want to lose any of these readers. And as
someone who struggles with his own personal issues with depression and
darkness, I can't help but take what these people are saying and implying very
personally.
I agree the world has problems. Big ones.
But I'm pretty sure the people who write so many of these columns have no more
interesting in solving them then the counterparts on the right who've done so
much to cause them. Aaron Sorkin in a fictional piece basically said those on
the right are interesting in two things: "Making you afraid of it. And
telling you who's to blame for it. That is how you win elections."
Well the left is only interested in the
second part of that statement. And according to they're writing everyone who isn't
them or their readers is to blame for it. That may build a sense of social
community but in a way that will solve the problems of today it's completely
ineffective.
That is another reason why I eventually had
to stop reading so many of the articles, posts and other comments by the left.
Because at the end of the day, it's no more good for my mental health then if I
were to watch Fox News or listen to Alex Jones. I have the same problems with
the world that the left will point out and I have sympathy for those who feel
that they are lost in it. But as someone who wants to actually solve the
problems in these articles I can assure you that the 5000th article
on how capitalism is evil or how Newt Gingrich destroyed Congress or anything
Trump breathed about will not do anything to make it better, nor will
expressing comments saying how smart and wise the writer is for pointing out
something they no doubt saw on TikTok or YouTube five minutes ago and that the
rest of the world knew years ago. Yes the right is putting so much noise into
the world it is hard to talk to each other. But your articles are just a
different kind of noise to a different set of listeners. Noise is noise, no
matter which person is shouting it. I'm not going to drink your Kool-Aid any
more then theirs and its not just because I never liked Kool-Aid at all.