Written by Chris Carter & Frank Spotnitz
Directed by Tony Wharmby
I didn't think it would be possible
for things to sink any lower than we were in the season premiere. As bad as
some of the X-Files season openers have been, at least in the second part of
these episodes, there was at least the hint that there was going to be a little
clarification - at least as far as that terms stands for anything relating to
the mythology. But, if anything, the second part of Nothing Important Happened
Today seems to make clear that things are just getting incredibly murkier. And
while it was one thing to try and do this when Mulder and Scully were around -
even if the mythology became increasingly morass-like the longer the series was
on the air - our heroes presence at least gave us something to hold on to. Here
we have what appears to be the start of entire new mythology, new characters,
new loyalties that seem to be shifting - this is what Carter seems to think the
X -Files should be about now. And its horrifying. Because rather than keep the
characters more important than the mythology, now that Duchovny is gone, he is
ranking the mythology above the characters. And the fans long since realized that there was no there
there.
So what we have is an entirely new
conspiracy that is so confusing and protracting, it makes one almost long for
the days of the Syndicate. Here's this new character with allegiance to
Doggett, who we've never seen before, and we'll never see again. She tells us
an entirely new story of what the
mythology is now - apparently the ideas that putting fluoridation in the water
have been turned into a literal plot point. It's no more plausible than the
bees were, and the series is going to drop it after this episode. We have a new
location where the government is apparently using a ship as a mobile lab to
manipulate ova, except we've been dealing with the extremes of this since
Memento Mori with even less coherence, except now it seems that it might have
something to do with the baby. (The baby. Apparently Scully and everybody else
has decided not to call William by his right name. It's just more way of
removing us from a storyline the series doesn't want to personalize.)
And look, here's the reappearance
of Knowle Rohrer, who now seems to be taking the role of the Bounty Hunter,
except he doesn't bleed green. (Honestly, I never thought I'd find a phrase
that I'd grow to hate more than 'alien-human hybrid, but only three episodes
into it, 'super-soldier' now sounds just as ridiculous. New record, Carter.)
And the fight between him and Shannon is even more inconclusive, even though
she manages to decapitate him, and he punches a hole in her torso, they both
somehow survive. It's almost like Carter isn't even trying to come up with new
ideas; now he's reinventing horror clichés.
All of this is bad enough, but if
the series would at least try to hold fast to the characters the way that it
managed to do as well as last season, there might be hope that the actors could
somehow pull through it. Instead, we've got everybody acting out of character,
right up to the fact that everybody seems to be using their first names,
something that just doesn't track. Deputy Director Kersh, who has pretty much
seemed like a bureaucratic asshole throughout his time on the series, Carter
now tries to paint as someone who might be an ally, because he seems to be
trying to help Mulder, and at the last possible minute, saves Doggett from
destroying his career. It's not the least bit believable. Skinner, whose growth as a genuine ally was
one of the highpoints of Season 8, now seems to have fallen all the way back to
the level of caution, but even past the point of being a decent boss. Brad Follmer
seems to be even harder to read, but Cary Elwes plays him fairly oozing with
contempt, that he might as well be any of the dozens of stick figure
adversaries the X-Files has been up to this point. The fact that he seems to be
leaning on his relationship with Monica Reyes doesn't really add anything to
the character either, considering that Reyes seems to be openly loathe him by
the time the episode's over. Even the Lone Gunmen now seem more ridiculous than
usual. Considering that it took them two seasons to really trust Scully, the
fact that they're now popping in out of the X-Files, talking to whoever works
there, and making none-too-subtle jokes about their lack of funding, makes it
wonder how Carter could've lost control of them after writing a series for
them.
All of which pales before the
problems with our central characters. Its bad enough that Mulder is gone, worse
that they seem to trying to carry on the series as though he's still a part of
it. Now it seems, that after moving heaven and earth to get Mulder back to her,
Scully seems to have been the one who persuaded him to leave. We're not told
what the danger is (when we do, it will make things even worse), but
considering how many horrible threats Mulder has faced over the last eight
years, why the hell would he run away from the woman he loves and his new son,
even if she begged him too? Mulder hasn't run from a threat all series; why the
hell would he do it now? Its bad enough Carter can't seem to come up with a
viable reason for Duchovny's departure this time; in doing so, he seems
determined to take the word 'alien' out of the mythology. It was strange when
Mulder operated that way throughout Season 5,
but at least there was motivation. Now it seems one further remove to
separate the viewer from everything they've been watching for the length of the
series.
This is by far the worst opening
for the X-Files the series would ever do, and if you're trying to keep your
viewership in the ninth season of the series, that's a horrible blow. Now the
X-Files has to go back to Monster of the Week, which might be more encouraging
if they hadn't been such a mess throughout the eighth season. One would hope
the only place the series could go was up from here. But at this point, the
long time viewer knows better.
My score: 1 star.
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