Written by John Shiban
Directed by Kim Manners
If ever there
were a reason to classify John Shiban as the worst writer the X-Files would
ever employ, this episode pretty much speaks for it. It's not really fair as it
is only the second script he wrote for the series, and the longer he worked for
the series, he would improve by degrees. (Vince Gilligan would later employ him
on Breaking Bad, where his talents
would be much better put to use) But it doesn't change the fact that Teso Dos
Bichos is arguably the worst episode of Season 3, and most of this is due to
the shoddiness of the writing.
Oh, I'll admit
there are some clever ideas. Having people continue to disappear leaving blood
but no bodies is a decent reversal, and having Mulder discover an intestine in
the trees is a good shock. But mostly what you have hear is a lazy and sloppy
script where even our heroes seem to be going through the motions most of the
time. Even when you read about the episode in the series official episode
guide, you learn that most of the writers---- who try to talk up even the
non-classics--- admitting that this one seems pretty thin. If they can't work
up any enthusiasm for it, is it small wonder that the viewer would find it hard
going?
This is
essentially a mummy's curse type episode tied up a South American lore, which
is never a good sign. Any time the series dabbles in folklore and ritualistic
killings, the results never end very well. We learned that the hard way through
trial and error in Season 1, where the mistakes were more tolerable because it
was the effort of a series finding its bearings. But really there's no excuse
for this kind of thing by now, even if, in this case, a first time writer is blundering ahead. More
problematic is the fact that all of the characters would have to labor to seem
one-dimensional, and there's no real reason to get attached as one by one, they
get picked off. Even Mulder and Scully seem more incompetent than usual, but
where as most of the time that will be done for comic effect, here they just
seem like there acting slipshod.
And I haven't
even gotten to the worse part, where our heroes find themselves climbing
through the sewers only to face the manifestation of the Amaru Urn--- which
takes the forms of pussycats. Hundred of pussycats, by the look of things. As a
loyal cat lover, I find it very hard to believe that a group of cats can manage
to find the energy to kill the mice that are
running out the Boston
museum, much less killing four people. Now I realize that a jaguar spirit has
to make do with whatever it can find in civilization, but seriously, watching
our heroes running up a steampipe to escape the yowling felines is one of the
most unintentionally silly things that the series will ever show us. And it
doesn't help matter when you learn that these were mostly cat puppets lined
with rabbit fur because Anderson
was allergic. This is the climax of your
story, and this is the best threat that you can up with? I've come to expect
better of you by now.
And poor Mulder
and Scully: they spend this entire episode trying to find someone who is
killing people but leaving no bodies, futilely trying to protect the people
involved, watching a dog get autopsied so that Mulder can make the rather
bizarre leap that an animal spirit is manifesting itself in the form of cats
(or rats, I really wasn't sure by this point in the story), and when they
recover the bodies, the State Department unilaterally decides to answer a
letter of protest that was filed before the agents arrived by returning the urn
to South America. In other words, the episode's been a waste of time for our
heroes. And for the audience. Why did we have to endure something so brutal and
ridiculous a mess? There have been bad episodes before (though, really this is
the first truly horrible episode since Excelsis Dei back in Season 2) but
rarely one with so little imagination or entertainment. Is it any wonder I can't follow Mulder's
advice to Scully to "go with it?"
My score: 1 star.
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